Good wood
On writing retreats, thirst traps, and questioning one's life
I recently returned from a writing retreat in Mendocino with smart, fun bosses1 Tracy Clark-Flory and Sarah Wheeler (and, for a hot second, Amanda Montei).
While TCF and I go way back, Sarah and Amanda’s work was new to me. (Go read their ‘Stacks if you’re into nuanced, accessible takes on topics like motherhood, identity, pop culture, and more.)
This was the first writing retreat I’d ever done with people. I don’t have the patience (or the cash) to apply to fancy retreats like Yaddo or MacDowell, as beneficial as they’d likely be for the networking/career hype.
My preferred retreat is to book an affordable hotel somewhere pretty and eat entire pizzas by myself until I finish whatever I’m working on.
So far this has worked out fine! But also my big goal for the year is to foment/build community and, unlike mouth-banging vast quantities of melted cheese, this requires human interaction.
(Currently I’m revising a poly con thriller.)
(Tangentially: If you’ve read any excellent books that feature a triad PLEASE SEND ME YOUR RECS. I read To Be Taught, If Fortunate, and am currently reading Iron Widow, and a friend sent me all the Broken Earth books but I’d love to see this kind of relationship done well. IT’S HARD!)
In any case, being around people while writing was new! My hearing loss makes me anti-social and I was still somewhat hermity on this retreat, but it was nice to end the days talking with others about writing and life—the struggles, the successes, the self-doubting and so on.
And I learned some important cultural tidbits about thirst traps for straight women, namely this guy on TikTok who chops wood and has 10 million followers.
He just chops wood, you might be asking? Well, no, he also takes off his belt and says good girl when the wood yields to his axe.
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Queer women also love a lumberjack, so I’m familiar with this genre. When I told Vika about this dude, she promptly sent me:
Which, yes.
But beyond making me question all of my life choices—should I give up writing and post thirst traps? Of what? I’m not Cate Blanchett or Gillian Anderson. I don’t ride a motorcycle. I have very little upper body strength! What else do queer women lust for? Really long text messages? I could send you really long text messages—I’m glad to see straight women (finally?) getting some decent thirst traps.
Remember when “thirst traps for straight women” was this great joke that was just like, a man listening to you or washing a dish without being asked?
We’ve come so far.
The world is going to shit, and democracy is crumbling, but somewhere on the internet, a hot dude is taking off his belt because a straight woman told him to on TikTok. America!
Advice
June’s Ask Anna columns were Pride-heavy, but with a dash of mental health awareness and the occasional merits of ghosting.
Caught my boyfriend on a dating app—Confront him or ghost?
Ready to come out? Tips for a smooth and empowering experience
How to handle friends who make hurtful LGBTQ+ comments
Balancing love and support when your partner needs mental health help
Freebies
Linkspiration
Listen to over 20,000 audiobooks for free (Book Radio)
Self-guided audio tours for walks in over 400 destinations around the world (VoiceMap)
The mindset you need to succeed (BBC)
I recently wrote about the new wave of lesbian bars in SF and Oakland (for Lyft, of all things!) and you can read that here.
RH does a good list - this one’s on career advice (Ryan Holiday)
Book rec: Anna Dorn’s Perfume and Pain is funny and cerebral and has many L Word references. I love a dirtbag transformation.
Hot box
Yours,
Anna
P.S. The best thing in Mendocino
P.P.S. “Fragment 31” by Sappho (Translated by Anne Carson)
…when I look at you, even a moment, no speaking
is left in me
no: tongue breaks and thin
fire is racing under skin
and in eyes no sight and drumming
fills ears
and cold sweat holds me and shaking
grips me all, greener than grass
I am and dead—or almost
I seem to me. …
For that Lyft bar piece, I interviewed the owner of Friends and Family, who mentioned how it irked her that women refer to each other as “girl” or “bitch” or “lady,” while men call other men “boss,“ “brother,” “champ,” etc. It was an interesting point to consider—why don’t we boost each other up, even in casual language?
I love writing retreats, not the overpriced ones. 🤗 Glad you had a great time.
These lumberjacks are cracking me up.